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This.

I feel like an idiot now. This has not been a good week. It started off so well though.

FUCK THIS!

I need to leave this all behind. I need to leave. I need to be myself again because right now being myself is eating me away inside.

Yes.

Aidan should buy me more subway.

21st of march.

Just a few words to sum up what's going on lately.

I'm nearly 20. WTF.
I need to shave.
I'm so bored of doing nothing but going on my xbox and laptop. Actually getting so sick of them.
Few partays and nights out recently. All were very enjoyable. Love seeing my favourite people getting kDrunk.
I still despise being single and I wish there was some way things could go back to the way they were.
My mam caught a mouse yesterday, those cunts bleed so much.
I had my last lecture of DT425 (Pharmacy technician for those of you who aren't in the know).
I got my work placement in Boots Pharmacy in the Ilac shopping centre.
I am looking forward to it but I am also nervous.
I feel like I have grown up so much in the last 3 years. Some things (mostly someone) has made this happen.
As I just went to walk to the toilet right there. My right leg was numb and I lost my balance and fell. I lol'd it off naturally.
Eddy quit swimming, He realised he was shit.
I am still not a ninja :(

10.03.2010

I'm feeling better today.

shit

The more I think about all of this, the more I wanna break down and cry.
I've fucked things up royally on so many levels.

8th of march.

I am actually in such a fuckin bad mood now.
I'm getting blamed for shit that is absolutely out of my control and the worse thing is I actually feel bad about it. I feel bad for it because someone I care about a lot is angry at me and I can't do anything to fix it. It's not my fault I am the way I am. I can do as much as I can to change myself and try be a better person, But I cannot change this. This is stuck with me for life. This feeling inside of me won't go away. I hate that people look down on me for it and people don't understand it.
This has actually been the worse year ever. I've let everyone down.

1st of march

I'm in such a rut lately. No work experience so I do nothing else then just play xbox. I enjoy playing xbox and all but I'd rather not have it be a clearly consistent part of my life. I like just playing with the lads when there's nothing else to do. But I'd RATHER have stuff to do. Obviously.

Gotta few birthdays and shit coming up and I'm looking forward to it all, Seems like I don't see a lot of my friends lately and I hate that. Need to put in the effort and spend some quality time with them, Quality time is almost always drunk time, which I'm totally Pro at btw.

My 20th birthday is creeping up on me. I don't wanna be 20 =/
I feel old and shit. Nearly finished college (about 2 years before most of my mates). I feel like I'm growing up way too quick. I'd love another year or two college but come october I should be qualified to do exactly what I wanna do. Which has good and bad points obviously. I hope I can get somewhere to work pretty soon after becoming qualified, I wanna settle into a job as quick as I can yano. Just get myself busy.

óG.

what?!

It's fuckin snowing lads.

20th of febuberry.

My bro and his mates are downstairs. Bunch of wemo's removing me from my sitting room.

Listening to Facing right now. That ep is so fuckin sick it's unreal. I love the amount of class music that comes from the dublin scene. So much talent. I need to start putting on shows again. I got well lazy. The first show was a semi success. Had the laugh so that's all that matters.

It's a saturday night and I'm extremely bored. Wanted to have people over tonight but people were busy and stuff. Can't really blame them but I really wanted to see peeps tonight yano'.

Post rock for the absolute win!

Title says it all.
Tonight was class.
I need to become proficient in singing or an instrument then start a band.
Aidan I will batter you ¬¬

17th febbb.

Had a nice lunch with Lauren today.
First time I've hung out with her one on one since we broke up. It wasn't awkward or anything, it was nice. She's such a good friend. Like I'm happy that we're staying friends, I wouldn't like to be on bad terms with her. It would everything so much harder.
Kinda realised today that I'm eventually gonna have to deal with Lauren seeing other people, new boyfriends, etc. All that stuff scares me. I dunno how I'm gonna be able to deal with it. It will be tough.
This shits fuckin hard.

d00d

Aido is the best lad.
End of.

15 - 02 - 2010

I did up my room so I haven't had a chance to blog anything really.
Nothing worthwhile happened though.

Polar bear club was savage. Best Laugh.
Jessi's valentines day session in her gaff was so much fun till I got wayy too drunk =/

I seriously hate being single, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to talk to girls anymore lol.

Eddy and Aidan visited me today while i was in bed DYING. We had the laugh and made pancakes. Good times.

Aidan's blog is interesting. Always a good read. I should blog more.

7th Feb.

Had a lovely cafe day today with Jo Finn Steve Regan and Hannah.
Good tea and the laughs were had.

I need to sort out my work experience pretty sharpish or I am so fucked.

A fair few people are coming to PBC which is class. I love when I know a good few people at a gig. It always leads to a good buzz.

I ain't very NEGI tonight thank god.

5th Feburary 2010!

Going to see Heathers with a few peeps tonight,
should be a good buzz yes yes.

I need my free texts back badly.
I feel cut off from the world without it.

Not much to say tonight.
*Copy and paste rant from 1st post*

Don't think I'll go Hardcore For Charity. Don't really have the cash to spare yano.
Polar Bear Club - 13th Feb.
Facing E.P Launch - 17th Feb.
Title Fight - 7th Mar.
These will be so so delish.

First post second post.

First of the new blog. I've tried to make other blogs but I was either not very consistent with them or I just talked shite. I will try make this one work but who knows.

I miss Lauren so much. I haven't been the same since things ended. As much as I would like to deny it, My life revolved around that girl. Without her I don't really know what to do with myself. I can't handle being single. She was a big part of my life and it will be a while before i learn to stand on my own. No doubt what I did before caused this, I would take it all back if I could. She was never worth my time.

The lads have really done their best in keeping my spirits up. I love those guys, flaws and all.

I feel really distant from "the group". Seems like I'm falling out or else they're pushing people away, Either way I don't feel as if we're all as close anymore. for 20 odd teens to consistently hang out and be friends is tough, but we did it well so far. Now i feel as if a few people are making a little mini group as it were. Seems like they're hanging and organising nights out and only inviting selected few, Which i think is fuckin bullshit. I invite just about everyone when I'm going out or having a sesh! I think i deserve the same back.

I miss being 18. Best year of my life. 19 has been a fail.